Why Is the first step so difficult?: Overcoming the fear of change

We all dream of living our ideal life: a loving relationship, a fulfilling career, and a life full of adventure. But, we often find ourselves trapped in situations that bring us unhappiness. Why is it so difficult to take that first step towards change?

Whether we're facing a big move, a career change, or asking our dream partner out for that first coffee, we all experience it as standing on the edge of a cliff. We know that if we take the leap into the unknown, a better life awaits us, yet we often stay put, paralyzed by fear of the unknown. This fear, often irrational, can freeze us and prevent us from taking the plunge. We prefer to stay in the familiar, even though we know and feel that this isn't where our happiness lies.

Whether it's a romantic relationship that's not bad, but not great either, a relationship where the practical aspects are more important than the romantic ones. We have a nice house, we're financially secure, and as long as we're living our separate lives, it's not bad. We often choose this over a relationship centred on love.

It goes so far that many of us are stuck in toxic relationships, afraid to take the leap towards a happier life, especially out of fear of the unknown, the fear of being alone.

We know it's not good, but it could always be worse, so we stay. Once the house is paid off and the kids are out of the house, we'll take the leap towards our happiness. As if a pile of bricks and your children are responsible for your unhappiness. And let's be honest, even when the house is paid off and the kids have left, we usually stay in the same situation, the only thing that changes are the excuses we hide behind.

The same goes for our careers. How many of us are stuck in jobs that don't make us happy, simply because the pay is good and/or the pension plan is decent?

Let's not forget that we spend a significant portion of our lives at work. Wouldn't it contribute to our happiness if we had a job we actually enjoyed, one where we look forward to Mondays instead of counting down the days until retirement? It's almost half the workweek, it's almost the weekend, oh no, Monday is coming, maybe if I'm lucky I'll get sick. Yes, you read that right, people wish they were sick just to avoid going to a job that makes them miserable. Oh well, if I just stick it out for 15 more years, I can finally retire, then my life will begin, then I'll really be happy. Just a little more misery to endure.

Despite knowing deep down that a leap into the unknown could bring us a better life, a perfect partner, our dream job, and a home we adore, we still hesitate on the brink, yearning for that ideal existence just beyond the horizon.

Why?

The fear of the unknown.

The answer often lies in the fear of the unknown. Whether it's a new relationship, a different job, or a big move, change always brings uncertainty. We fear the loss of the familiar, even when that familiarity doesn't bring us happiness.

Being stuck in comfort zones.

Many people remain in relationships or jobs that do not feel right because they fear the uncertainty of being alone or finding new employment. We often think, "It may not be perfect, but it's better than nothing." This fear of being alone or failing keeps us trapped in our comfort zone, preventing us from experiencing happiness.

The illusion of happiness in the future.

We often postpone our happiness until a later time.

"Once we've paid off the house, then...",

"When the kids have left home, then...",

"When I retire, then...".

We think our happiness depends on external circumstances in the future, while in reality, happiness comes from within and in the now.

How do you overcome the fear of change?

• Recognize your fears: Become aware of what's holding you back. 

• Focus on the benefits: Think about all the positive things change can bring.

• Take small steps: Start with small changes to build your confidence.

• Seek support: Talk to friends, family, or a coach.

• Celebrate your successes: Reward yourself for every step you take.

  
  

Below you will find some visualization exercises that have supported me in overcoming my fear of the unknown.

Exercise 1 : The successful start.

• Find a quiet place: Sit or lie down in a comfortable position. Close your eyes and take a deep breath.

• Visualize your goal: Visualize yourself taking the first step toward your goal. For example, find yourself sending your resume, starting a conversation with your boss about a new position, or sending a message to someone you like.

• Feel the positive emotions: Imagine how you'll feel once you've taken this first step. Feel the excitement, the pride, the relief. The more details and elevated emotions you can add, the more intense the experience will be.

• Overcome obstacles: Imagine obstacles coming your way. How do you deal with this? Visualize yourself as a strong and confident person overcoming these obstacles.

• Repeat the exercise regularly: The more you do this exercise, the more your brain will believe that you will be successful.

Exercise 2: The Future Me.

• Find a quiet place: Sit or lie down in a comfortable position. Close your eyes and take a deep breath.

• Imagine how you look and feel: Visualize yourself in the future, after you have achieved your goal. How do you look? What are you wearing? How do you feel?

• Experience your successes: Imagine how you feel when you have achieved your goals. What have you accomplished? Who is proud of you?

• Be grateful: Thank yourself for all your hard work and dedication.

Exercise 3: The Safe Harbor.

• Find a quiet place: Sit or lie down in a comfortable position. Close your eyes and take a deep breath.

• Imagine a safe place: Think of a place where you feel completely relaxed, such as a beach, a forest, or a warm bath.

• Visualize yourself in this place: See yourself sitting or lying in this place. Feel the sun on your skin, hear the sounds of nature, smell the scents.

• Connect your goal to this place: Imagine that you have achieved your goal and that you are now in this safe place to relax and enjoy your success.

• Strengthen the connection: Repeat this exercise regularly to strengthen the connection between your goal and your safe place.

The first step is the most important.

Remember: life is too short to be unhappy. By overcoming the fear of the unknown and taking the first step, you open the door to a happier life.